Being Alone Makes me depressed.

I have been completely well for 2 weeks. But I find that when I am alone by myself, particularly at home in my unit by myself, I get depressed and the suicidal thoughts come back. That is why I have made sure the last 2 weeks I have never been alone. I want to one day be able to spend time by myself without getting sick. I feel like I have to rely on others company to keep well.

I have my kids for the school holidays, the courts have said I have to have supervised visits, which means my parentd have to be with me while I have them. I have never hurt them or said that I felt like hurting them, I am a good mother. But my ex husband has told the courts that he wants my visits to be supervised. That makes me feel like I am not a good enough parent. The kids have had their moments, and have been fighting a bit and not listening to us when we ask them to do something. It has been stressfull but we are getting through it. It has been nice having my kids this week.

I havent had time to be depressed this week. I havent had alone time where I ruminate on my thoughts. Distraction is the greatest way to keep depression away. This week has been good, but stressful at times. Occasionally out of the blue I will get a panic attack, when its hard to breathe, and my heart races. This can happen for no reason, even when Im feeling good. When this happens I take time out to meditate, and concentrate on my breathing slowing it down. Listening to music helps me relax and settle down.